Finals are over. And they were so FUN. *rolls eyes*
And THEN. We get self-scheduling. Ah.... memories of last RAP. Glad those are semi-washed away. Makes me feel bad that I wasted a 2nd rap on online scheduling. Blargh. If shield and scroll takes my english class... I'll have to beat someone up. :). Probably Toemhos or Andrew... just cause I'm supposed to.Which reminds me. You are all fucking cowards. I hate you all. Yeah... you think I'm so stupid that I don't know what you printed and showed to random people? COME ON.
I'm looking at some of my old entries. The very old ones that make no sense. Oddly enough... some of these are hilarious. I think I must have lost brain cells cause I don't even write in coherent english anymore. Meh. Oh well.
When I'm reading these things... I'm just thinking about why I wrote them in the first place. And I keep coming back to the same cause: boredom and exhaustion.
Bear with me here, I don't think I was actually ever physically or mentally tired. I never, ever really felt so freaking tired I couldn't function. I mean... sure sleeping at 2:00 every other day does tax the body but who cares. It's just a vehicle and I'm not doing anything wrong in the time it has these demands put on it.
So now it's just a cycle. My New Year's Resolution was to do homework at home and so I did it. Big whoop. Now what? I suppose my new goal would be to get an A in an english class for once but it simply won't happen. Its hilarious cause I hated the Harvey Mudd essay prompts so much and I wrote one of the best essays I've ever written for it. Well... best essay a person can write in an hour or two.
Things that were not in it: cloning, test-tube babies, and legalized "expiration"
Yeah... start hating me now if you understood that at all.
Now.. before you start thinking this is mere drivel. Yes.. you're right. It IS drivel. For some odd reason... the only person I can explain these things to is Toemhos. With a weird disturbing intensity I can perfectly rationalize EVERYTHING. Yes... I know I'm useless. Yes... I know I'm stupid. But honestly... I'm not going down without a fight. I'm never going to let anyone screw me over to fulfill their pathetic teacup of an ego. I'm sick of everyone capping on me to make themselves feel better. Yes... I don't mind the capping... but in the most pathetic fashion ever. "It's better to be hated than ignored" Sounds Faulkner-ish eh? And then I realize it still kind of sucks. Yeah, I'm going to have great memories. But I've got a lot more that suck than anything else. I don't ask for much. I just ask for people to fucking lay off and not play more mind fuck games with me even if YOU don't know it. Yeah... I've thoroughly humiliated myself by now and I'm off to sleep. I already know what everyone is thinking (if htey read it) but that just makes me egotistical. To think that my actions actually have an impact.